Always respond to your baby as you instinctively want to

When you become a parent, you have changes to your brain's wiring that makes you completely in tune with your baby and able to read their needs at any given time – this instinct is your superpower!

Babies are wise, they know what they need, and if you trust and follow your instinct, you will know what they are asking for, and you will meet their needs. When you follow rules that have you acting against your instinct, it is incredibly difficult emotionally and physically for you and your baby.  The result is a negative experience for you and a more unsettled baby.  Your instinctive response will always be the correct response for you both.

During the early months, babies have an immature central nervous system (CNS).  Whenever their nerves get heightened, they will have trouble regulating them back to a calm state.  When babies have prolonged periods of crying, that is frequently labelled as colic, they are very often experiencing a heightened CNS that they can't settle.  What is going to raise a baby’s nerves? – pretty much everything – they have come from the most safe and secure environment in the womb, to bright lights and noises, tummy and hunger pains, and loss of the security of your heartbeat.  What keeps their CNS relaxed and helps calm nerves? – anything that mimics the womb – rocking, suckling at breast, chest to chest cuddles, warm bath. This is how you give your baby a gentle transition to life on earth.

As babies get closer to 3-months, they begin to feel more secure in the world, particularly if you have met their needs early and often.  Cuddling and responding frequently will lead to a more secure baby that is more likely to settle easily.

Self-regulation of emotions only begins to emerge around 4-5 years of age.  It is a developmental process that is learned by experiencing co-regulation time and time again.  When you are settling your baby by cuddling, rocking, or feeding them, you are helping them to regulate, this is co-regulation.  This early attention is the very beginning of creating healthy emotional regulation in your child.

Babies can’t manipulate.  They cry because it is their only means of communication.  When you respond you are not only helping them feel secure, you are teaching them that when they are upset or scared you will be there to help them - and don’t you want this precious baby to come to you when s/he is feeling uncertain in this world at 5, 10, 15 & 20 years of age?

Babies don’t need training.  They will develop perfectly and meet all their milestones, including sleeping for increasing lengths of time, when they are biologically ready to.