It is normal to grieve for the loss of your old life

Reflecting back to 19-years ago when I first became a mother, I vividly remember the feelings of jealousy and resentment as my husband walked out the door on his way to work.  He was continuing in his old life, while my old life had disappeared overnight and no longer existed. These initial feeling would be immediately followed by feelings of guilt and shame. 

I had this precious new baby, and it seemed selfish of me to feel this way, and this jealousy suggested that I didn’t love my new daughter enough. I wish I had known that this grief was valid and experienced almost universally by mothers.  I would have allowed myself to move through the grief process in a healthy way, without denying my feelings or feeling shamed by them.

For most mothers this grief subsides within the first few months, and as your baby settles more into life, and you begin to get out more, the joy of your brand-new life unfolds.

Every week I speak to new mothers experiencing and struggling with these emotions.  When I tell them that a mourning for their old life is normal and experienced by all mothers, the look of shock and relief is written all over their face.  They then verbalise how powerful these mixes of emotions have been.

The permission to feel the grief without shame is a palpable gift and helps mothers move through the stages of grief that they need to go through. So today, new Mumma’s, I offer you this information as a gift!  The person you thought you were died when you became a mother.  A better you is emerging, but your grief is valid and needs to be acknowledged and worked through.  Grieve as you need to, and your bright new life will be waiting patiently on the other side.